When Motherhood & Migraine Collide
I’ve always loved Mother’s Day – from the time I was a child all the way through to now when I have three awesome college-age sons. Sons whose very presence never fails to remind me that I’m getting older as they move into young adulthood! For me, Mothers’ Day represents spring-time, new growth, new opportunities, and unconditional love that is priceless. But sadly, with it often comes those unwelcome thoughts of how migraine has impacted my life and that of my children. Not only the missed events and lost memories, but the emergency room trips, the struggle they have watched me go through and continue to see, the responsibilities they have had to take on too early, and the guilt as I watched migraine present itself in them early on. It’s all too easy to dwell on regrets, guilt, and fear for the future. The “committee in my head,” as I like to call it, tries to tell me that I have failed as a mother – I have not been perfectly present, always available, and able to do what I SHOULD. I have not been “enough.”
Let’s face it, being a mom is infinitely rewarding but it is also the toughest job in the world, and when you have migraine or other chronic pain it is all too easy to have an overwhelming sense of failure and guilt. Failure to be healthy when our children need us, guilt about all the events and times we are not able to be physically, mentally or emotionally present, and regret at all the memories missed which we will never be able to reclaim.
The truth though, for all of us who are mothers, is that we are MORE than enough! Every time we hug our children and say, “I love you!” we are teaching them about unconditional love. Each time they see us get up again after being sick, or trying to push through while we are still sick, they are watching perseverance, strength and courage in action. As we find ways to “be there” imperfectly but beautifully, they are learning about overcoming, creativity and determination. On those days we have to ask for help from those who we feel we should be constantly there for, our children discover the power of compassion, respect and selflessness. This is MORE than enough.
As mothers we do not need to be perfect. As migraine and motherhood collide again and again throughout the years, we only need to be who we are, learning to live within our limitations, taking the time needed to rest, loving our children unconditionally, talking to them about what is happening, and inspiring them to become incredible young adults. Migraine is all too often a devastating disease which takes so much control out of our hands, but this Mothers’ Day, don’t let it take your joy in being a wonderful mother. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH – hold that in your heart and know that you are a treasure!