Living with chronic daily migraine has been a journey filled with both physical pain and emotional struggle. My experience with migraine disease began when I was only four years old. Not surprisingly, the constant presence of pain has fostered a deep sense of frustration over the years. The biggest challenge being the unpredictability of my attacks, which has made it impossible to plan my day or look forward to anything. Still to this day, when I have plans with family or friends, I constantly worry and go through every scenario in my head. I worry about the good and the bad, and there is a pervasive sense of anxiety about what each day might hold. In short, having chronic migraine has created a sense of “social loss” that is hard to navigate.
Does Migraine Impact Your Friendships?
The impact of migraine attacks on my friendships has been both significant and heartbreaking. I found myself frequently canceling plans, unable to participate in activities I once enjoyed with friends. Every invitation to a gathering or event became a source of anxiety. The fear of enduring a migraine during social interactions or, worse, having to cancel last minute, created a barrier between me and my friends. I got to a point where I was only comfortable when staying home and isolating.
Sleepovers are a rite of passage, especially for young girls. It’s a significant milestone in their social development and personal growth.This tradition is more than just an opportunity to stay up late with friends; it plays a crucial role in shaping social skills, building confidence, and fostering a sense of independence. To this day, I’ve only had about four successful sleepovers due to my migraine symptoms. No one wanted to hang out with the girl who always canceled or had to leave early. So I was forced to hear all about how wonderful someone’s birthday party was through oversharing in class. I remember having to excuse myself to cry in the bathroom.
Does Migraine Make You Blame Yourself?
This began my negative outlook on myself, I remember thinking “If my friends left me, does that mean there’s something wrong with me?” This self-blame leads to a negative self-perception and emotional distress. It’s easy to fall into the trap of over-analyzing past actions and conversations, often leading to an unfair self-critique and difficulty moving forward. I know, I fell victim to it, at night I would play back events in my mind and used to tell myself that if I could go back I would force myself to go to those sleepovers and birthday parties.
Due to these thoughts, I began my years of hiding the pain so that I could be included in things. The emotional scars left by the end of a friendship had led to a fear of vulnerability. A fear to self-advocate for myself, as I thought those around me would leave, and consider me a burden, dead weight. There was this underlying worry that new relationships could also end in disappointment or betrayal. This caution affected my willingness to engage in new friendships.
Has Your Perception of True Friends Changed?
Throughout my recent years in college, I have been engaging in activities that promote rebuilding my self-esteem and fostering my positive self-image. It has taken years, and there is still more healing to come before those scars go away. But through these activities, my eyes have been opened to those who have remained in my life. Those who made an effort to understand my condition and accommodate my needs. Their support has been a testament to the strength of true friendship, capable of weathering the storm of chronic illness. I was never the problem, my pain was the problem with why my friends left me. I hadn’t seen it then but it was honestly a blessing that they left because I learned that I don’t want those types of people in my life where I am always trying to please them instead of taking care of my health.
Unfortunately, experiences like those described above are all too common for people who live with migraine. This complicated disease puts pressure on our friendships and relationships and puts a burden on our emotional health and well-being. It’s so important to connect with others who understand, either from online support groups like Migraine Meanderings Facebook Group, or in-person through local counseling or groups for those living with chronic illness. Connecting with others who “get it” reminds us that while our struggles are real and often painful, we are never alone.
Let us know…
Have you lost friendships due to unpredictability of migraine? Did you miss out on events like sleepovers and feel like an outsider? How do you balance friendships while taking care of your health?